I was playing the new Super Paper Mario on the Nintendo Wii, and came to a part where it told me to type in a catchy, cool word. So of course I typed the first thing that popped into my head. Check out the result after the jump (warning: contains LARGE profanity).

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Talk about a crappy episode! There was literally nothing good in this episode.

Let's go over what was stupid about it:
- Chloe and Morris having a fight - stupid.
- Tom and the VP make nice? - stupid.
- The VP and his assistant get cozy. No surprise. - stupid.
- Nadia goes from useless hot girl to head of CTU? WHaaaa??!!! - stupid.
- Doyle continues to be a total idiot, and screws up Jack's plan - stupid.
- Jack gets mad at Doyle for stopping his plan...which involved breaking the law - stupid.
- Audrey has been brainwashed or otherwise messed up - stupid.

Yep, frustrating episode. Did I miss anything? :)

Here's the link for the character countdown.

This is an interesting piece of news. Apparently Ask.com is going to change the algorithm behind their search engine, relying on user input in addition to their own ranking system. It looks like they've already been collecting some of the data they need to make this switch. The new algorithm is called Edison.

I have confirmed the existence of Edison with Jim Lanzone, the CEO of Ask.com. Jim was not able to give me any more comments or details on Edison. So I decided to meet with Apostolos Gerasoulis this morning, and I received some more information about Edison. Here is what I got for you.

1. Direct Hit and Teoma were the original social search engines.
   • Direct Hit which was purchased back in 1999 by Ask, uses click data to determine relevancy for rank. So the more clicks, the higher the click popularity, the higher a page would rank.
   • Teoma uses hubs and authorities to determine relevancy. In a sense, it uses the "wisdom of the crowds" to determine relevancy and show the best results they can.
   
   
   
2. Apostolos explained in his presentation this morning that they will be combining the best of both Direct Hit and Teoma into one engine.
3. Apostolos also explained that they have been tagging for three plus years. So for example, if you do a search at Ask.com, that search query you used, will be associated with the pages you click on Ask.com. So if you search on "cars" and click on the first result, the first result will be tagged as "cars" behind the scenes.

It is my understanding, the new Ask.com search algorithm, code named Edison, will consist of these three components and more.

Ask.com has also said:

"It's much more complicated than saying we're just counting clicks, in the case of DirectHit. The technologies we have, and the patents we hold, go way beyond that. We're also taking a deeper look at communities and calculating the authorities in those communities. We were really inspired by looking into the universe of user behavior, and what that could tell us, and the social fabric of the Web itself, and what that tells us."

They certainly would have to be doing something more complicated than checking number of clicks, because it would be really easy to manipulate a system like that the same way people setup rings to make false clicks on Google ads. But there's ways of being more intelligent about what's being counted. It's also really interesting to see how they're tagging pages based on what terms users searched for.

While Ask is talking about this publicly, it's perfectly possible Google and Yahoo are doing similar things, such as Google's recent increased use of blogs to make their search results more relevant and timely. Then again, Yahoo is using patented technology so it's also possible this type of algorithm is unique to them. In any case, it will be interesting to see how this causes results to change and how it stacks up to the current search algorithms.

Here's a fantastic list of Jack Bauer "basic truths" to get you excited about 24 if you weren't already. SOme of the best ones:

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f***ing dead."

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.

If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.

Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.

TIME Magazine is having people vote on who the 100 most influential people are today. The list spans politics, media, etc. There's been a lot of fluctuation as a result of user votes from different large websites. Currently, Stephen Colbert appears in 4th place on the list, next to Bono and just above George W. Bush with nearly 9,300 votes:


Add your vote for him here.

There's a pretty great article on Tubewad about how to improve the good shows on TV right now. I was particularly interested because they mentioned 24, The Office, Scrubs, and Entourage. And they pretty much nailed each of them. In a nutshell (I'd read the original article for the full context):

24: Change everything
I'll end up watching 24 no matter what the writers do, but the show seriously needs to make drastic changes if it wants to remain even remotely relevant. Make the terrorists win one season, and force Jack to spend the entirety of the following season searching for survivors. Move Jack to another country. Relegate Jack to a secondary role. Do anything to change the plot from its formulaic "LA is under attack and Jack has personal problems" origins.

The Office: Create a character whose sole purpose on the show is to punch Pam Beesley in the throat every other episode
I'm dead serious. Pam was absolutely adorable in the first and second seasons: her shy, understated glances at the camera frequently worked as the perfect punchline to Michael Scott’s ridiculously offensive ramblings, and her blossoming quasi-romance with Jim was cute enough to make even a grown man interested in how it turned out. Season three, however, has taught us that Pam's really just a hugely indecisive bitch.

I want Roy! No, wait, I want Jim! No, wait, I want Roy, and I'm going to go through with the marriage! No, wait, I'm going to break off the marriage! But not pursue Jim! And act indecisive and pitiful for a few episodes! Wait, I'm going to get back together with Roy! No, now I want to break up with him! And I only now decide that I actually like Jim despite the fact that he's already found a much cooler, much hotter, much more compatible girlfriend! I'm Pam Beesley!

Scrubs: Stop being ridiculous
Some comedies can be weird like this without being distancing – Scrubs is not one of these comedies. Most of the bizarre humor of the first few seasons was derived from the fact that, no matter how kooky or weird things got, the audience could take solace in the fact that everything out-of-the-ordinary was just a figment of JD's imagination. Not so, in the new season. When JD is kidnapped by gay old people and thrown onstage with the Blue Man Group, he really gets kidnapped by gay old people and thrown onstage with the Blue Man Group. When JD can't get through to the hospital because the entire staff is dancing to Turk's ringtone, the audience is supposed to accept the fact that this is happening in the real world, and not just in JD's subconscious.

This decision essentially removes one of the most important elements of any good comedy: the straight man. When JD acted kooky in the old seasons, his relatively normal friends made fun of him. When JD acts kooky during this season, his friends act kooky in kind and the entire show turns into one long Looney Tunes affair. The events may be kind of funny taken out of context, but, when worked into a half-hour show, the gags are distancing and awkward.

Entourage: Make the show twice as long
It's not like the show is particularly hard to film: all of the actors are basically playing variations of their real personalities, all the filming locations are real places, and all the plots are (however loosely) based on real events. Entourage's charm comes from the fact that its characters are oddly realistic and likeable despite the fact that they’re generally douchebags, so why not give us an extra 30 minutes with Vinnie Chase and his crew? Doubling the average episode length would give us more plot, more comedy, and more time with the characters we like.

Oh, finally – and this is just a minor request – please kill off every character except for Ari Gold, Lloyd, and Johnny Drama. Just a small suggestion. When I say that the douchebag characters are oddly likeable, I'm only referring to Ari and Johnny. Turtle and Vinnie can get hit by a bus. Just putting that out there.

This is exactly what we've been saying about 24, and I just mentioned in the last Entourage review that the episode felt too short. While I don't necessarily agree with absoultely everything that was said here (i.e. killing off Entourage characters...Drama needs Turtle to play off of), most of it is right on.

Talk about a ridiculous ending! I thought for sure that Amanda was just testing Vince, and then she really wasn't?!? I liked the parallel of Ari and E/Vince being too soft and manipulated easily. And of course seeing Ari go back to his old self and be an even bigger asshole than usual was great ("Get the fuck out!!"). You just knew he couldn't live with himself if he decided to go soft.

But this was yet another episode where not much happened in terms of the plot and was just about the characters themselves. It seemed like a really short episode. When are they going to finally move the plot along? I'm still curious about how Ari is going to get Medellin worked out for Vince.

And no word on what happened with the guys on Spring Break, or E and Sloane? Those stories could probably be a full episode.

My Name is Earl is going to have an episode where viewers can use a scratch and sniff card during the episode to add some extra sensory stimulation to the upcoming show that will air on May 3rd. To take part in it, you've got to get your hands on the scratch 'n sniff card in TV Guide's April 30th issue (available April 26th).

During the episode, NBC will prompt viewers via on-air graphics to rub one of six corresponding numbered boxes on TV Guide's "Laugh 'n Sniff" scent card, which will release aromas pertaining to the My Name Is Earl storyline. The special scent card, sponsored exclusively by Oreo...is available only in TV Guide's April 30 issue (over 3.2 million circulation; in subscriber editions and on newsstands Thursday, April 26). Oreo cookies will be one of the six scents featured in the episode's storyline along with other scents, including "new car smell" and "obnoxious cologne."

Remarked My Name Is Earl Creator/Executive Producer Greg Garcia, "When John Waters guest starred on an episode of Earl this year, I asked him if he'd be cool with me ripping off the Odorama card he did with his 1981 movie Polyester and he gave me the thumbs up. I remember my parents coming home with the card and thinking it must have been really cool to actually smell the things you were watching."

Looks like there's two new shows headed to Comedy Central, both with people that have been on the network before in other shows. Lewis Black is going to have a show called "The Root of All Evil" that sounds like it will be similar to Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn was, except that it won't suck since it has Lewis Black instead of Colin Quinn (though admittedly that show was funny when they had good guests). According to The Hollywood Reporter:

"Evil," exec produced by Scott Carter ("Real Time With Bill Maher") and David Sacks ("3rd Rock From the Sun"), features Black as a judge presiding over cases pitting political figures, celebrities and pop culture concepts accused of being "the root of all evil." The recently filmed pilot included the cases of Paris Hilton vs. Dick Cheney and chick flicks vs. video games.

Guest comedians serve as attorneys for each side, with Black rendering a verdict. Greg Giraldo and Paul F. Tompkins were among the comedians featured in the pilot.

The other show features Michael Ian Black who was on Comedy Central in Stella, as well as on VH1 recently. According to Variety:

Comedy Central has greenlit the pilot for "Michael Ian Black Doesn't Understand," a scripted showcase for the pop-culture gadfly. Insiders said the show will feature Black's trademark poker-faced irony as he comments on a range of pop-culture topics, including one hot-button topic each episode. Show will incorporate sketch comedy, field segments and studio bits from Black, many of them scripted.

Black is exec producing with "Kids in the Hall" exec producer Jim Biederman. Michael Showalter, who appeared in "Reno 911!: Miami" with Black, is co-exec producing.

Black also wrote and directed "Wedding Daze," an Isla Fisher comedy produced by GreeneStreet Films that will be released this summer by MGM.

Both of these shows should be interesting...I'm still trying to see a few episodes of Stella now that they're available for free on Joost.

It's funny, I didn't even notice when I posted the 500th story on this blog. And now that there's that many, it's fun to go through the list of topics and see some of the stories I don't even remember posting.

I'm pretty pleased with how easy it to find a story between the topics and the search options, but decided to add one more. Now there's a handy little box on the left pane that lets you jump to some of the different series of posts like 24, Entourage, and the "Rant On" stories. It basically links to the search page for those specific stories, but it also sorts them by date with the newest stories on top. So now you can quickly get to any recap of a 24 episode or read through all the Rant On stories without going to the Rants topic and seeing other non-series rants mixed into your results.

Let me know if you feel like there's any other feature that would make finding a story easier, or if you have any suggestions in general!