I wasn't all that excited or interested in an article about how Chicago's supposed cell phone driving ban hasn't been very effective, and the lack of police enforcement being labeled the major reason for it. First off, I thought they've showed a few times now that you're just as distracted on a headset because it's the conversations people are having and not the physical act of holding the phone that's slowing their response time and increasing the chance of an accident. So it seems ineffective right from the start.

And yeah, I've seen dozens of people each week (probably even each workday) driving around with their phones to their ear. I usually tend to use my headset, but sometimes I get an incoming call and it's not connected or I forgot it at home or something, and I'm not going to avoid using my phone because of that.

But here's a real genius comment:

Chicago Police Sgt. Thomas West, of the traffic enforcement division, said, "We write our share of cell phone tickets."

But West Side resident Ernestine Funches disagrees. "I've seen police who see you on the phone and don't do anything," she said. "People don't have any respect for [the ban] because police don't enforce it."

"I think they should," Funches added, "because I know how distracted I get when I'm on the phone."

Well, la-di-freakin-da! Ernestine Funches can't drive while on her phone, so why should anyone else get to? We must all be just like her. There's no way some of us can actually drive and talk at the same time. By that logic, we should all drive at 40MPH on the highway and leave our blinkers on to respect those that forget they're driving on the damn highway and they've had their turn signal on since they left home in the morning. Someone should really get on enforcing that. While driving through intersections I also get distracted by bold and shiny objects, so let's go ahead and ban those too. Anything with metal or bright colors that's visible from the street must be taken down or painted over with muted colors.

Man, I can't believe it took this long to realize how great it would be if everyone else would just be forced by law to compensate for all of my deficiencies. How cool. Thanks Ernestine!