This rant is inspired by a DVD shipment I received today.

Brand new DVDs always employ a fortress of protection to ensure you can't just take the disc out of the case. But what about after you purchase it? Shouldn't you be able to get it out then? And not just get it out, but get it out without mauling your fingers or damaging the case? Well, you can't! Without further ado, in order of annoyingness...


Further Ado

Method 1: Tabs The tabs that lock the case like in the image above. What the hell? Who thought these would thwart anyone trying to steal a DVD? They do nothing but annoy someone trying to open a case. They should just go all the way and put some briefcase locks on there. The Airplane! DVD even had a sticker suggesting you rip them off once you have opened your case. So that way you can get those nice plastic tab remnants hanging off the case to remind you of the joy those tabs brought you. These things are obviously useless on their own, so why even bother putting them on?

Method 2: Plastic Wrap An outer plastic wrapping covering the entire case....if I could just tear that damn corner...then the rest is so easy...but why is the corner so friggin hard to tear. Even worse when the DVD has been shrink-wrapped so tight there are no corners and your only choice is to use something sharp and damage the case. Some of these are even more annoying because the part along the spine is actually glued to the case - you can't get it off without leaving some plastic or sticky crap on the case.

Method 3: Security Sticker The "Security Device Enclosed" sticker that goes across the edge. Ok, I got it...you don't want me to steal it. Oh, wait you tell me 2 more times on the other 2 edges. Just in case I'm stealthy enough to remove 1 sticker while in the store, there's 2 more! Try doing that without getting caught, sucker! So now I have my legitimately purchased DVD at home and am trying to get these off. If you try to get it from a corner of the label, you'll probably end up scratching the clear plastic piece. Cut across the top and you could scratch the case. And once you get it off, the case remains sticky, to remind you of your struggle and to mock you.

Method 4: Bonus Features Sticker The "Ok, this has nothing to do with security - we're just evil as hell" method. This involves a sticker boasting about bonus content or an "extra 0.142 seconds!" being placed in one of two horrible places. The first place is under the plastic, on the DVD cover sheet itself - remove it and rip off half of your front cover with it. The other place is on a box set, right on the cardboard. Once or twice you'll be pleasantly surprised it's just rubber cement and comes right off. But someday you'll get the one with the super-heavy-duty-rips-off-the-entire-side-
it's-on-if-you-try-to-remove-it glue and you'll be sorry you ever tried to pretend that DVD didn't have an extra 0.142 seconds on it.

To be fair, I have only read about Method 4, never dealt with it myself. But I can happily say that the Being John Malkovich DVD I purchased was wrapped in plastic and had tabs on it. Got through all of that and went to open it, and realized it had a clear sticker sealing the top. Maybe next time I'll only order one DVD at a time so I can spend an entire day opening it up. At which point I'll be too exhausted to watch the movie anyways.