After a holiday hiatus, I return with a bizarre story from an AP article.

Police aren't sure how else to explain it. But when an officer walked into an apartment Thursday night to answer a 911 call, an orange-and-tan striped cat was lying by a telephone on the living room floor. The cat's owner, Gary Rosheisen, was on the ground near his bed having fallen out of his wheelchair.

Rosheisen said his cat, Tommy, must have hit the right buttons to call 911.

"I know it sounds kind of weird," Officer Patrick Daugherty said, unsuccessfully searching for some other explanation.

Rosheisen said he couldn't get up because of pain from osteoporosis and ministrokes that disrupt his balance. He also wasn't wearing his medical-alert necklace and couldn't reach a cord above his pillow that alerts paramedics that he needs help.

Rosheisen got the cat three years ago to help lower his blood pressure. He tried to train him to call 911, unsure if the training ever stuck.

Anyone that's been following the Chad Johnson rollercoaster of touchdown dance over-hype (dave and I know this one all too well) will be intrigued by the latest development dave submitted from ESPN. To recap a little history, Chad Johnson promised an amazing touchdown dance a week after getting fined for using the end-zone pylon to "putt" the football - an elaborate stunt that took him a while to setup. The following week, we waited in anticipation to see the "great" celebration, and despite the Bengals scoring multiple TDs, none were to Chad Johnson. Then last week: "Fans in Detroit booed when he merely handed the ball to an official following his touchdown during a 41-17 victory Sunday that clinched the AFC North title. It was only the second time this season that he didn't celebrate a touchdown -- the other came when the officials needed time to decide if he had scored, spoiling the moment." Well, the hype is back:

The Bengals receiver suggested Tuesday that he has a special touchdown celebration planned for Cincinnati's game on Christmas Eve, one that will top his Riverdance, his end zone putt and his sideline proposal from earlier this season.

A surrogate reindeer, perhaps?

"On the highway, I hit a deer," Johnson said Tuesday, insisting he was serious and that the animal wasn't hurt. "I kept him. He's at home in the garage. I'm going to use him for the celebration this weekend. He's a prop. They might suspend me for the last game, but I think this one is worth it."

Even if Johnson is serious -- and, with him, there's no telling -- coach Marvin Lewis would certainly put his foot down. So Johnson's scheme may never get beyond the talking stage.

In case you haven't heard yet, SNL created a great "digital short" rap Lazy Sunday about the Chronicles of Narnia with Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg. This thing is hilarious, and is now floating all over the internet...check it out:



"Mr. Pibb plus Red Vines equals crazy delicious!" "Google Maps Is The Best. True Dat! Double True!"

Fortune cookies. A magnificent treat that also provides deep, penetrating insight into your future. Unlike horoscopes, these little tidbits are not vague and all-encompassing...they are specific to you and only you - such as "You will make a rewarding decision." But all too often these chinese wonders fail to live up to their promise. First off, there's fortunes like "The future holds great things for you." Great. What the hell does that mean? Am I going to find a quarter under a couch cushion tomorrow? Or am I going to make a million dollars without doing any real work in 5 years? How do I know what a cookie considers a great thing? Maybe it considers the fact I'm not eating it a good thing. This statement is highly subjective, especially from a cookie's perspective.



Then, with things like "Pass the bill to the person of your left" (yes, the person of your left) and "You should make a bold business decision," the fortune cookie goes from prophecizing about your future to telling you what to do. It crosses the line between fortune and advice. And this is truly disappointing. The last thing I need is a cookie telling me what to do. Do I take advice from a Chips Ahoy? I don't think so. Why should the fortune cookie get any preferential treatment? If you're not going to tell me about my future, I don't want to hear it. And on a related note, have those "lucky numbers" ever been lucky for anyone? You'd think a self-proclaimed cookie of fortune could give you some real lucky numbers. I mean, if it can't get that right, how am I supposed to believe the fortune/advice it gives me is legit?

And last, who decided the fortune cookie was a cookie? Did they know what a cookie is? Had they seen a cookie before? Because if they had, it'd be pretty glaringly obvious that the fortune cookie, with it's folded shape and hollow inside, did not fit the bill. It's more like a cracker than a cookie, though even that doesn't quite fit.

Really, what it all boils down to is this: The fortune cookie is neither a fortune, nor a cookie. Discuss.

Also, enjoy some weird fortunes (that page also has a great FAQ).

According to ABC News, a guy faces a felony charge for trying to alter a parking ticket.

William S. Shufro, 46, faces a felony forgery charge for allegedly trying to alter a $100 ticket received for parking illegally in a handicapped space.

Police allege that Shufro tried to alter the ticket to give the appearance that it had been issued for parking in a no-parking zone, which carries just a $20 fine. The altered ticket was sent to City Hall, along with $20, Police Lt. Fred Hoysradt said.

Police, who had a copy of the original ticket, saw the change then charged Shufro with forgery, a felony punishable by 3 1/2 to seven years in prison, Hoysradt said.

dave submitted a parallel to the insanely popular Kyle Orton story which featured pictures of him getting drunk during a bye week. This time around, deadspin has a story about Southern Cal quarterback Matt Leinart, drunk and all up on some girl at a NYC bar after losing the Heisman.

Quick story you guys might enjoy. Went to a party at [name redacted] on Saturday night. About 20 people. Half of us went to some random bar, the other half went to this upscale place [in New York City] called Marquee. Anyways, these two pretty girls who were visiting from Texas went to Marquee.

So [Sunday] morning, my friend calls me and says "Do you know some guy named Matt Line Hart?" I laugh and say yeah and don't bother to correct her. She says, well he was at Marquee last night, and hit on one of the girls from texas all night, danced with her, and then was so drunk he groped her -- she turned around and slapped him, and left.

I said yea yea, i doubt it even though it kinda made sense that he would be in an upscale club getting trashed after losing the heisman. i told her i'd believe the story when i saw pictures.

Read More...

There's an article on variety.com about the possibility of Arrested Development getting picked up by Showtime or ABC. This is all still in the rumor mill, but with a show this good, it's too hard not to hope they'll still keep making episodes.

Fox still hasn't officially canceled "Arrested Development," but if it does, other networks are interested in the show.

Both ABC and Showtime have had conversations with 20th Century Fox TV and indicated they're open to making a deal for new episodes of the critically beloved, Emmy-winning comedy from creator Mitch Hurwitz. No formal negotiations have taken place, and there are still numerous hurdles that might prevent such a move -- including the show's hefty pricetag.

That said, those familiar with the talks described them as serious, with Showtime said to be in particularly hot pursuit of the ratings-challenged laffer, now on life support at Fox. SkeinSkein's third-season order was recently cut to 13 episodes.

Showtime could be a good place for "Arrested." Skein's subversive humor and heavily serialized storylines always made it a tough sell as a mass-appeal broadcast series. What's more, Showtime already has a potential companion for "Arrested" in "Weeds," which just received a second-season pickup. That show is a suburban satire centered on a drug-dealing soccer mom played by Mary-Louise Parker.

Since Fox has yet to officially cop to canceling "Arrested," 20th can't formally make any deals with another net. There are other barriers to setting the show up elsewhere, however.

Studio has already deficited millions in order to produce the show, which costs about $1.6 million per half-hour to produce. It's believed 20th deficits about $400,000 per episode.

It's a pricey show, but here's hoping it stays on the air.

The full-length trailer for the upcoming Da Vinci Code movie is up on Apple's trailer page. It has an interesting cast - Tom Hanks, Ian McKellen, Alfred Molina - and is directed by Ron Howard. The trailer makes it seem like the movie follows the book pretty closely, but it has taken a long time to come out, given how long ago everyone and their moms read the book. Hopefully it doesn't suck.

dave submitted a link to a Times Online story about a woman who survived a fall, then discovered she was pregnant.

Shayna Richardson, 21, was making her first solo skydiving jump when she began to have trouble with her parachute.

Hurtling towards a parking lot in Siloam Springs, Arkansas, Ms Richardson hit the asphalt with her face. Although severely injured, she managed to survive — and soon discovered that it had not quite been a solo skydive.

Doctors treating her in hospital discovered that she was two weeks pregnant. Four operations and two months after the accident on October 9, Ms Richardson says that she and her unborn baby are doing fine.

"Just this last week we went and saw the doctor and we’ve got arms, we’ve got legs, we’ve got a full face. The baby is moving around just fine. The heart rate looks good. So not only did God save me, but he spared this baby," Ms Richardson said.

In fact, the baby appears to be in much better shape than its mother. Ms Richardson broke her pelvis in two places, broke her leg and has 15 steel plates in her face. She also lost six teeth.

The craziest part? According to the article, after all this she is planning on jumping again in August.

dave submitted a Sports Illustrated article describing the new medals for the next Winter Olympics:

No, athletes at the Winter Games are not being rewarded with gold doughnuts -- it just looks that way.

The new medal design for the Olympics in Turin, unveiled Wednesday, features a hole in the center of the metal disc.

While it may appear as though biathletes have been using them for target practice, the medals are actually meant to represent the open space of an Italian piazza, or city square.

The medals have the Turin logo on one side and images from various sports and disciplines on the other. The red silk ribbon that goes around the winner's neck is looped through the hole in the center.